Is that guy wearing a fuzzy pencil case?
Hamid Karzai 
No, he's not wearing a fuzzy pencil case on his head. That's Hamid Karzai's signature hat, not uncommon to see when you're cruising around Kabul. While usually only worn by old men, yesterday when I was at the Ministry of Interior I saw an androgynous midget walking around with one on. I'm not joking. (I have one, and if you want one I can pick one up for you. A hat I mean. Not an androgynous midget.)
Ok, so why am I even talking about this in the first place? That's right, folks, Afghanistan is having its first "free" elections on October 9th. Since I've been out here, a lot of people stateside have asked me how I think the elections are going to turn out, and I'll say something like "I think Karzai will win, but all I care about is that I don't get blown up." This is usually met with a response similar to "..." because they were referring to the US Election. I suppose both have a serious impact on my current life, because if Kerry gets elected, who knows if I will be able to continue a job like this making a ridiculous salary and being on "the edge of history." Sounds cool, doesn't it? The Edge of History. It would be way cooler if the "edge of history" weren't so unstable and unsanitary. And way cooler if I had coined the phrase, which I didn't. Robert Kaplan said it in his book, and as usual I'm hero worshipping. Aah well.
Either way, I can't blame people for the "..." response, or responses like "Who the christ is Karzai and why does he have a pencil bag on his head??" I'm not gonna be all high and mighty and act like an asshole when people don't know anything about Afghan politics, because it doesn't affect their [immediate] lives back stateside. I remember when I was studying in Japan back in college, and I would innocently ask a question like "...So do you guys have a President or a Prime Minister?" to one of the Swedish students. This would get me an exasperated look, followed by a statement like, "I know all about YOUR government, why don't you know about mine?" So I'd sit there and shrug apologetically, while thinking to myself, "Maybe because I'm not a goddamn cod fisherman living in the tundra, you freakish Scando. Nice parachute pants, by the way." I also like it when people are trying to look cool and worldly and say stuff like "YOU DON'T KNOW THE CAPITOL OF TAJIKISTAN? IT'S DUSHANBE YOU HAYSEED!" That's lame, but it's a reality when dealing with sophomoric, 22 year old "backpackers" who think that going to a country and eating a bunch of ecstasy makes them somehow more enlightened.
Ok, lemme get refocused here. Aah yes, the elections. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend to be some sort of authority on Afghan politics, because I'm not. I've just gotten pretty interested in this place because I live here and the outcome of things affects me directly.
So like I said, Afghanistan is having its first "free" elections, and it's somewhat complicated. One of my favorite (though somewhat not-too-pro-American) websites, Sabawoon Online, has a lot of good articles about the election. You can also see a complete list of candidates here. I like that page, because it has pictures of each of the candidates, as well as a little blurb about their ethnic affiliation and what kind of platform they run on.
After reading most of the articles about the upcoming elections, I've noticed a few issues that Afghans (or at least the authors of the articles on the site) have. Here's a few (but not all) of them:
Are ex/not so ex Warlords good candidates? What is a "free" election? Are these elections really all that "free"? Is Karzai a US puppet? What / where do interests lie?
I'm gonna go ahead and break these down individually, and speak on them based on my opinion because this is my blog and I'm allowed to. If at any time you feel oppressed, please close the window.
Are ex/not so ex Warlords good candidates?
History tells us that former military commanders do not necessarily make good leaders of countries. Why is this? Now, when I say "military commander," I'm not talking about some dude who was in charge of a support battalion for most of his career. I'm talking about the guys who have "been there and done that," commanded troops on the field in violent action, and taken part along with them. They are charismatic men with a presence on and off the battlefield, who inspired people to fight for them and often times die for them. While people gladly rally behind these people, sing them praises and would love to see them as a President, that doesn't necessarily mean that the skills that allowed them to rise to power as a fighting man are applicable when it comes to running a nation. To a military commander, the ends justify the means - any means that were taken to accomplish whatever mission they had to do. They are, for lack of better terms, "results oriented" or "results driven." For a sensitive position like the President of a nation, this is not necessarily the best method. Couple this with the fact that some of the candidates running for President here have been accused of crimes against humanity. The idea of having a former "warlord" who may have massacred Taliban prisoners becoming the head of a nation is, to some, a bit scary, especially under international scrutiny.
What is a "free" election? Are these elections really all that "free"?
Some of the candidates have been coming under fire because they are being said to coerce people into registering (and supporting them) by beating them. If I were a farmer and I lived in a virtual fiefdom under Candidate X, and not being outwardly supportive of him and his party meant getting the shit knocked out of me by the buttstock of an AK47, the elections might not seem all that "free". According to the article titled Afghanistan's Presidential Election: a Mockery of Democracy on Sabawoon Online by Peter Symonds, Karzai supporters have also been up to similar things:
A particularly graphic example of the methods used to coerce voters was highlighted last week. A gathering of 300 clan leaders from the Terezai tribe in Paktia province decided to throw their support behind Karzai and broadcast a radio announcement declaring: "All Terezai tribespeople should vote for Hamid Karzai... if any Terezai people vote for other candidates, the tribe will burn their houses." Karzai welcomed their support and extended an invitation to the tribal leaders to visit Kabul, brushing aside criticism of the radio broadcast, saying such warnings were just a tradition and not meant as a serious threat.
No matter what Karzai may say about the threat being "just a tradition" and "not serious," tell that to a tribesperson who's used to existing in a corrupt government. The idea of a vote being "confidential" might not mean a whole lot.
Is Karzai a US puppet? What / where do interests lie?
Is Karzai a US puppet? Yeah, I think so. Is that good? I guess it depends on who you talk to. For the USA / stability in the region / strategic interests, of course it's a good idea. For international image, I'm not sure that they could have picked a better person. Highly educated, he speaks Poshtu, Dari, Urdu, English, and French. He is a Poshtun, the largest ethnic group of Afghanistan, and comes from the Populzai clan, which has been cheerfully giving Afghanistan its Kings since 1747. Not only that, he is one helluva snappy dresser, making it into Esquire Magazine's Top 100 Best Dressed Men in the World. His running mate is Ahmad Zia Masoud, the brother of the famed Ahmad Shah Masoud, the Lion of the Panjsher, whose guerilla tactics are taught at US Military academies today, and who achieved Martyrdom when he was assassinated just before the September 11th attacks. I also heard a few months ago that Karzai was married to an American woman, but the people telling me that were a bunch of rednecks so I dismissed it as being one of many stupid things they said in a short time span. However, yesterday when I was at the Ministry of Interior, a Major in the ANA (Afghan National Army) told me that he was, in fact, married to an American. The only info I can find on his wife is that her name is Zinat (or Zenat) Karzai, shes an OB/GYN doctor who works with Afghan refugees in Pakistan, and Karzai was single until 1999. So the verdict is still out on that. Maybe she's an Afghan American? I don't know, so if you find out let me know.
So again, if he is a puppet, I would say that he's a pretty good choice for the international community. But I'm not from here, so it's not really my call.
Allow me to finish up by writing briefly on progress and success. Progress and success are two purely subjective things, so please forgive me my ethnocentricity when it comes to Afghanistan and these matters. I say this because my definition of success and progress are, to many other people, serious encroachments and violations upon traditional beliefs held near and dear to their hearts. Still, I feel that Afghanistan, while maybe not "flourishing," is progressing and being successful in [my] relative terms. I feel that success and progress can also be measured by how the stage is being set for tomorrow - hopefully we've learned a little bit from history and are mindful of what the results of our (USA/European/etc) actions and policies might look like in 5, 10, 20, 50 years from now. Obviously no one can predict that far, but again, hopefully we can learn a little bit from what history has told us and set the stage for the future. In the end, though, it ultimately comes down to the individuals playing on that stage, and I have full confidence that the Afghans be just fine.
So that's about all I have to say (on here) about the upcoming Elections. I was reading through this and I thought to myself, "If this weren't riddled with profanity, shit talking, gratuatous comments about androgynous midgets, and rather hideous organization, it might look kinda official." But let's face it, folks. I'm not official, I'm riddled with profanity, I talk shit, make comments about androgynous midgets all the time, and I'm not organized. So I appologize. But I hope you enjoy reading my blogs as much as I enjoy writing them, and I encourage you to check out Sabawoon Online for some good info. Thanks--
No, he's not wearing a fuzzy pencil case on his head. That's Hamid Karzai's signature hat, not uncommon to see when you're cruising around Kabul. While usually only worn by old men, yesterday when I was at the Ministry of Interior I saw an androgynous midget walking around with one on. I'm not joking. (I have one, and if you want one I can pick one up for you. A hat I mean. Not an androgynous midget.)
Ok, so why am I even talking about this in the first place? That's right, folks, Afghanistan is having its first "free" elections on October 9th. Since I've been out here, a lot of people stateside have asked me how I think the elections are going to turn out, and I'll say something like "I think Karzai will win, but all I care about is that I don't get blown up." This is usually met with a response similar to "..." because they were referring to the US Election. I suppose both have a serious impact on my current life, because if Kerry gets elected, who knows if I will be able to continue a job like this making a ridiculous salary and being on "the edge of history." Sounds cool, doesn't it? The Edge of History. It would be way cooler if the "edge of history" weren't so unstable and unsanitary. And way cooler if I had coined the phrase, which I didn't. Robert Kaplan said it in his book, and as usual I'm hero worshipping. Aah well.
Either way, I can't blame people for the "..." response, or responses like "Who the christ is Karzai and why does he have a pencil bag on his head??" I'm not gonna be all high and mighty and act like an asshole when people don't know anything about Afghan politics, because it doesn't affect their [immediate] lives back stateside. I remember when I was studying in Japan back in college, and I would innocently ask a question like "...So do you guys have a President or a Prime Minister?" to one of the Swedish students. This would get me an exasperated look, followed by a statement like, "I know all about YOUR government, why don't you know about mine?" So I'd sit there and shrug apologetically, while thinking to myself, "Maybe because I'm not a goddamn cod fisherman living in the tundra, you freakish Scando. Nice parachute pants, by the way." I also like it when people are trying to look cool and worldly and say stuff like "YOU DON'T KNOW THE CAPITOL OF TAJIKISTAN? IT'S DUSHANBE YOU HAYSEED!" That's lame, but it's a reality when dealing with sophomoric, 22 year old "backpackers" who think that going to a country and eating a bunch of ecstasy makes them somehow more enlightened.
Ok, lemme get refocused here. Aah yes, the elections. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend to be some sort of authority on Afghan politics, because I'm not. I've just gotten pretty interested in this place because I live here and the outcome of things affects me directly.
So like I said, Afghanistan is having its first "free" elections, and it's somewhat complicated. One of my favorite (though somewhat not-too-pro-American) websites, Sabawoon Online, has a lot of good articles about the election. You can also see a complete list of candidates here. I like that page, because it has pictures of each of the candidates, as well as a little blurb about their ethnic affiliation and what kind of platform they run on.
After reading most of the articles about the upcoming elections, I've noticed a few issues that Afghans (or at least the authors of the articles on the site) have. Here's a few (but not all) of them:
I'm gonna go ahead and break these down individually, and speak on them based on my opinion because this is my blog and I'm allowed to. If at any time you feel oppressed, please close the window.
History tells us that former military commanders do not necessarily make good leaders of countries. Why is this? Now, when I say "military commander," I'm not talking about some dude who was in charge of a support battalion for most of his career. I'm talking about the guys who have "been there and done that," commanded troops on the field in violent action, and taken part along with them. They are charismatic men with a presence on and off the battlefield, who inspired people to fight for them and often times die for them. While people gladly rally behind these people, sing them praises and would love to see them as a President, that doesn't necessarily mean that the skills that allowed them to rise to power as a fighting man are applicable when it comes to running a nation. To a military commander, the ends justify the means - any means that were taken to accomplish whatever mission they had to do. They are, for lack of better terms, "results oriented" or "results driven." For a sensitive position like the President of a nation, this is not necessarily the best method. Couple this with the fact that some of the candidates running for President here have been accused of crimes against humanity. The idea of having a former "warlord" who may have massacred Taliban prisoners becoming the head of a nation is, to some, a bit scary, especially under international scrutiny.
Some of the candidates have been coming under fire because they are being said to coerce people into registering (and supporting them) by beating them. If I were a farmer and I lived in a virtual fiefdom under Candidate X, and not being outwardly supportive of him and his party meant getting the shit knocked out of me by the buttstock of an AK47, the elections might not seem all that "free". According to the article titled Afghanistan's Presidential Election: a Mockery of Democracy on Sabawoon Online by Peter Symonds, Karzai supporters have also been up to similar things:
A particularly graphic example of the methods used to coerce voters was highlighted last week. A gathering of 300 clan leaders from the Terezai tribe in Paktia province decided to throw their support behind Karzai and broadcast a radio announcement declaring: "All Terezai tribespeople should vote for Hamid Karzai... if any Terezai people vote for other candidates, the tribe will burn their houses." Karzai welcomed their support and extended an invitation to the tribal leaders to visit Kabul, brushing aside criticism of the radio broadcast, saying such warnings were just a tradition and not meant as a serious threat.
No matter what Karzai may say about the threat being "just a tradition" and "not serious," tell that to a tribesperson who's used to existing in a corrupt government. The idea of a vote being "confidential" might not mean a whole lot.
Is Karzai a US puppet? Yeah, I think so. Is that good? I guess it depends on who you talk to. For the USA / stability in the region / strategic interests, of course it's a good idea. For international image, I'm not sure that they could have picked a better person. Highly educated, he speaks Poshtu, Dari, Urdu, English, and French. He is a Poshtun, the largest ethnic group of Afghanistan, and comes from the Populzai clan, which has been cheerfully giving Afghanistan its Kings since 1747. Not only that, he is one helluva snappy dresser, making it into Esquire Magazine's Top 100 Best Dressed Men in the World. His running mate is Ahmad Zia Masoud, the brother of the famed Ahmad Shah Masoud, the Lion of the Panjsher, whose guerilla tactics are taught at US Military academies today, and who achieved Martyrdom when he was assassinated just before the September 11th attacks. I also heard a few months ago that Karzai was married to an American woman, but the people telling me that were a bunch of rednecks so I dismissed it as being one of many stupid things they said in a short time span. However, yesterday when I was at the Ministry of Interior, a Major in the ANA (Afghan National Army) told me that he was, in fact, married to an American. The only info I can find on his wife is that her name is Zinat (or Zenat) Karzai, shes an OB/GYN doctor who works with Afghan refugees in Pakistan, and Karzai was single until 1999. So the verdict is still out on that. Maybe she's an Afghan American? I don't know, so if you find out let me know.
So again, if he is a puppet, I would say that he's a pretty good choice for the international community. But I'm not from here, so it's not really my call.
Allow me to finish up by writing briefly on progress and success. Progress and success are two purely subjective things, so please forgive me my ethnocentricity when it comes to Afghanistan and these matters. I say this because my definition of success and progress are, to many other people, serious encroachments and violations upon traditional beliefs held near and dear to their hearts. Still, I feel that Afghanistan, while maybe not "flourishing," is progressing and being successful in [my] relative terms. I feel that success and progress can also be measured by how the stage is being set for tomorrow - hopefully we've learned a little bit from history and are mindful of what the results of our (USA/European/etc) actions and policies might look like in 5, 10, 20, 50 years from now. Obviously no one can predict that far, but again, hopefully we can learn a little bit from what history has told us and set the stage for the future. In the end, though, it ultimately comes down to the individuals playing on that stage, and I have full confidence that the Afghans be just fine.
So that's about all I have to say (on here) about the upcoming Elections. I was reading through this and I thought to myself, "If this weren't riddled with profanity, shit talking, gratuatous comments about androgynous midgets, and rather hideous organization, it might look kinda official." But let's face it, folks. I'm not official, I'm riddled with profanity, I talk shit, make comments about androgynous midgets all the time, and I'm not organized. So I appologize. But I hope you enjoy reading my blogs as much as I enjoy writing them, and I encourage you to check out Sabawoon Online for some good info. Thanks--
3 Comments:
I look fwd to these like the latest X-men comic. (I'm an X-men whore) Peuce Nucka!
~Greg
duh, you forgot to mention that Karzai is sexy
Dear UberKommandotruppe,
I worked my ass off the other day reading your blog after I found it. I then hit "Next Blog" in the upper right-hand corner and got the blog of a 13-year-old girl from Thailand who likes Karoke and Pocky. We're dating now, thanks for introducing us.
Tyrwin Birdsong
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