Fare thee well, Kabul Joe....

You’ll be happy to know that as I write this, I’m sitting in an AN32B flying from Kandahar back to Kabul. I read the entire way down here, so I thought I’d mix it up a little bit and write. I haven’t written a blog in a little bit, so I figured this was a good time.

I’ll dedicate this blog to Kabul Joe, who has been offered another job stateside (with our same company) and as of yesterday has been en route to snuggle with his Bolivian Bombshell. He seems really proud of the fact that his girlfriend is Bolivian, but I find it quite offensive to revel in such things. Eating disorders are nothing to brag about. I’m pretty happy for him, but I’d like to take this opportunity to make fun of him for a little bit. The following picture sums up a lot of what I'm about to say:



Many of you may not know this, but Joe likes to sing gay sailor songs when he gets roaring drunk. Like we’re at the pub and just got done annihilating the whale population, and he’s been drinking too much “mead.” He’ll make you turn off whatever music you’re currently listening to so he can assail your ears (and sensibilities) with sailor songs riddled with references to homosexuality and sex with [dead] animals. I don’t think he realizes that the songs are so lyrically depraved, otherwise he’d sing them when he was sober too. I will miss many things about Joe – he gave me a lot of material to giggle about. He’s an old school fellow faced with new school problems. For instance, the old school approach to the theory and practice of argument, that is, attempting to overwhelm whoever disagrees with you with earth shattering arrogance, is easily parried by google.com. He never really figured out that I generally don’t contradict someone unless I’m 1000% sure that I’m right, and even then I’ll preface my contradiction with “…you sure?” to give the person a chance to back out. He also has a “penchant” for pronouncing French loan words in their original form, e,g. “penchant” becomes “paw-shawn,” “accoutrements” becomes “a-kew-twah-mahng,” etc.. My cousin and I used to make fun of French academicians by speaking about something abstract in a French accent, being unable to find a word in the barbaric English language to properly express our superior sense of French enlightenment, and then making up a French sounding word. So people who insist on pronouncing French words like a drunken French pseudo-scholar is always hysterical to me. Yes, I will miss these things, and look forward to hearing more sailor songs about sodomy and his stalwart defense of the French population’s character when I see him stateside… Assuming he’ll still talk to me, that is... His linguistic neo-Hitlerite attitude is, unbeknownst to him, at odds with his deeply engrained left-wing psychosis, so there was never a dull moment here in Adventurestan. Kabul Joe, you will be missed.

Ok, that should suffice as a mini-roast. I could go on, but my sense of self restraint is epic, allowing me to have a firm foot hold on one of the things that I have such a hated for: The Moral High Ground. In keeping with that, I shall attempt to thwart any counter attacks by posting my own shortcomings right here and now that KJ seemed to be at odds with:

I am comfortable with the fact that I am messy, and I will always have a servant class to clean up after me. Thank you for filling that niche so well, you must be genetically predisposed or something.

Room clearing, eye watering flatulence is simply a side effect of maintaining a healthy mind and healthy body, and acts as an organic Lysol of sorts to counter Kabul’s fragrant air.

Ok, enough of this madness. I’m sure that anyone who knows Joe (and me) will be able to relate. For those of you who don’t, thanks for bearing with me and be sure to check out Joe’s page (and the rest of mine for that matter) for some pure, unadulterated grooviness. Either way, I’m happy I had the opportunity to work with Joe. T-cell banzai!

There isn’t a whole lot to report on lately – I’ve been getting out to the regional training centers a little bit lately which has helped give me something to do and got me out of a little slump I was in for a couple days. Today at Kandahar I got to meet up with Sam and make sure everything was kosher with him, and those of you who know him will be happy to hear that he is still unable to express his thoughts in a coherent manner, which of course is why we love him so much. Life in Kabul is as uneventful as ever, but like I always say, uneventful is a good thing in this part of the planet.

I am happy to report that I got a job offer in Japan, and accepted it. Hopefully that will work out, and while my Adventurestan experience will come to an end, I will be opening up a whole new chapter in my life. A real grown-up job will be nice as well, and lately I've been craving a more sedentary existence...... So hopefully everything works out with that - so far so good...